You Suck: A Love Story Chapter 31

Chapter Thirty- hotshotBeing the Chronicles of Abby NormalNot remote the Toaster, I Control the DarknessSo I slept a half-size that day, and blabed to my sweet hit the hay-ninja, Foo, a bitstock of times on the phone, then he came over and we left over(p) Jared with some dividing line for entitle Flood and the Countess when they awoke, and motor to the loft. It took deal an hour to clean up both the depleted internal-combustion engine and ash and stuff from the night forward. We had erect finished cleaning and computation the gold and making step to the fore and whatnot when the alarm went off on the Countesss watch.And I was like, Dude, Im not instructy.And he was all, Dude, you are more ready than anyone Ive eer protrude byn.And I was all, OMG, I am so going to sex you to termination if we do it through this.And then he was all bashful and fictitious to be doing something technical so we were ready.Then, like an hour after sun down(p), I heard them coming. I was at the kitchen counter when the security door to a lower place open, and when I glum slightly they were just, like thither. Lord Flood knelled them the Animals, that instantly they were kind of the roadkill. And I like touched the snap on my UV jacket, just to make certain(predicate) it was there.So I was all, Hey, vampyre scum.And the at once black and now gray one, who was like their leader, was all up in my grille, like, We need the money, where is the money?And I was like, Step off, undead-tard. Theres no money.And he was like, Dont ass with us. Flood and the redhead took like six ascorbic acid grand from my flatcar.And I was all, Actually, its like five hundred and eighty-three thousand eight hundred and fifty-eight.And he was all, Give itAnd all seven of them were like gathering around me even the born-again one the Countess had thrashed like they were going to do the gigantic gang-suck on me, so I had my finger on my light tone ending all the time, in cas e I needed to flash-fry the motherfuckers. But I stayed chilly and I was like, Are you high?And he was all, No, Im not high. No one is high.And they all started whining and whatnot, all, We croupet even take a bong hit. We cant jollify a beer. Our systems wont take it. Being sober sucks. We are useless undead stoners.So I was all, Step back and behold, bi-atches.And Im all taking a store of Stoli emerge of the freezer, and mixing in a glass with some of the blood from the pouches, just like the ones we left for the Countess and Lord Flood, and theyre all drooling when they see the blood, so I was thinking, Dont make me fry you.But then I moot the glass to the gray vamp, and hes all, Sweet.And the others are like, Me, me, me.So Im like mixing blinking(a) Marys all around, and the greasy hippyish one is like, Can we dunk pot cookies in this?And Im like, Of course, stoner vamp.And theyre all, You are a goddess. And we are not worthy. And oh please, may we fox some more? Until th ey started to drop.So like two minutes later theres like this extensive pile of passed-out vampyres in the kitchen, and Im all, Yo, Foo, I got your shit ready.And Foo comes out of the bedroom, all cute, holding his UV floodlight like hes going to deliver me, then sees that they are all out cold and gives me a tough kiss and is like, You rock.And Im like, You take aim no idea, my Manga-haired whap toy.And he was like, The sedative in the blood, blah, blah, four hours, blah, blah, nerdspeak, geektalk And Im like, Whateva, studmumn. Handle it.So it took like two hours for Foo to do all his medical examination stuff with the Animals, taking some blood and doing various medical nerdism stuff to it, then putting it back in, but finally he was do and I called Jared to tell him that we were on our way to tick Lord Flood and the Countess.So I like made the other call to make sure e precisething was all in order and whatnot, and Foo was all, Are you sure this is what you want to do? And I was all, Foo, theirs is the greatest love of all time. Its the yet thing to do.And he was all, Okay, as persistent as youre sure. Because we can do them the same as we did the others.And I was all, No, that wont work. They have to be to maintainher. And you dont have to live at home anymore. Well have a completely sweet love lair.So we did it.Blue watched from the alley across the course as the Animals came out the security door, empty-handed, and stumbled into the street. She knew she should have gone herself, but that whole getting-burned-up thing had taught her that perhaps it was better to delegate. That they didnt have her money was bad enough, but that they didnt have her money and heat was coming off of them was disastrous. Those dumbfucks cant get anything right, she utter to herself. Im going to have to kill them all over again.I dont think so, express a voice from butt her. She whipped around, leading with her long fingernails in a rook that would have taken off half a mans show.Elijah caught her hand. Hed found another(prenominal) tracksuit, this one powder blue. Its time to let it go. The genie must go back in the bottle, Im afraid.Let me go, I need to go get my money.No, my dear, you dont want to do that. The residents of that loft have recently developed a very unpleasant fashion sense.Youre fucking with my income, paleface.You dont need to worry rough that anymore.Meaning what?It ends here. make love with me, my dear.You want me to come with you? I dont even know you.Yes, but we share a special relationship.Special? You beat my face into the hood of a Mercedes.Well, yes. Sorry. To the innocent my behavior can sometimes be distasteful. yeah? Innocent, Ive fucked thousands of guys.Yes, well, Ive killed enough to fill a city.Blue shrugged. Okay, you win.Revenge is a dish best served cold anyway, dont you think?Or not at all, said a male voice behind Elijah.Elijah and Blue moody. trey of them stood there in their long coats, looki ng like sculptures, looking eternal, like they could wait forever.Can just anyone sneak up on me now? said Blue.Time to go, Elijah, said the African muliebrity.None of you would be here if it werent for me, Elijah said.Yes, and we would have been hunted down and killed a long time past if we hadnt adhered to your rules.Ah, my rules, Elijah said, looking down now.How many left to clean?Elijah looked across the street to the loft windows, then at Blue. She raised an eyebrow, smiled a pocketable.Shes the only one left. He lied.Then finish it.Id rather not, Elijah said.The Emperor of San Francisco wept for his city. He had done what he could, called the police, alerted the newspapers, even tried to take to battle himself, but by the time hed gathered the courage to return to the Marina Safeway, it had been finished, and he could do slide fastener more than speculate to the uniformed police officers how the window had been broken and wherefore the store was empty. Theyd tried to tra ck down the night crew, but none of them seemed to be home. And his city was plagued by vampires. Now the Emperor wept and consoled the troops, rubbing Bummer behind the ears and gently patting Lazarus on the ribs as he lay sleeping on the dock. The fog was coming slow off the Bay tonight, not crooked like it was so often here.He heard footsteps before he saw them, then there were five of them. The fiend, the three in the long coats he had seen come in the night before, and a flaxen woman in a blue party dress. They walked past, and only the fiend cancelled and paused. The Emperor held Bummer tight, afraid that he would burst into one of his barking fits and all would be lost.Old man, said Elijah. The City is yours again. Then he joined the others at the end of the dock.The Emperor could see their motor yacht waiting outdoors the breakwater it had to be two hundred feet long, far too big to enter the marina.Very well, then, shall we go? said Elijah.Can I get a coat like that? a sked Blue, nodding toward the tall blond man.The blond man said, Youll get one when you learn the secret handshake and get your decoder ring.Blue looked at Elijah. Is he fuckin with me?Yes, said Elijah. He offered her his arm. She took it, and stepped down into the longboat.The Emperor watched the vampires disappear into the fog.Rivera had six uniforms in SWAT gear with a battering ram ready to take down the door, so he and Cavuto were more than somewhat surprised when it opened almost as concisely as they knocked. A shirtless, sleepy-looking Chinese guy with spiky hair stood in the doorway.Yes, can I help you?Rivera held up the warrant. I have a warrant to search this apartment. Kay, said the Chinese guy. Abby, cops are here.The skinny broken clown girl appeared at the top of the stairs in a kimono.Hey, cops, said Abby Normal.What are you doing here? Rivera said.I live here, cop. She popped the p. Rivera hated that.Actually, its my apartment, said the Chinese guy. Do you need to s ee ID?Yeah, that would be nice, kid, said Cavuto. He whipped the kid around and marched him up the stairs as the kid read the warrant.Do not bruise the Foo, cop, said the broken clown girl.Rivera turned to the uniforms and shrugged apologetically. Sorry, guys, I guess we got this one. They shuffled away.What are you guys looking for? asked the Chinese kid. Maybe we could swiftness this up.Were looking for doubting Thomas Flood and Jody Stroud. Hes the one on the lease for this apartment and the one down the street.Oh, yeah. Im subletting, said the Chinese kid.Steven Wong, Cavuto read off the kids license.Rivera was looking very, very bad about this. They had found one more dust in the Mission with the blood-loss-and-broken-neck MO the guy had been naked, supposedly psyche had stolen his powder-blue tracksuit, so they logged it as robbery, but then, a week ago, the killings stopped. That didnt mean it was over. Hed made the drift of thinking it was over with these two before. R ivera had finally gotten the Christian kid at the Safeway to file charges on the redhead for assault. After a long talk with the other stoners, theyd gotten the Flood kid on the arrest warrant for conspiracy. Theyd too implied that somehow Flood and the redhead had gotten their share of the old vampires money. Maybe they had left town. If they had, well, good, but he still had a slew of unsolved murders.Youre subletting from Thomas Flood?I neer met him, actually, said Steve. We arranged it through the acquireing agent.Yeah, so step off, cop, said the skinny girl.Rivera looked around the apartment. There was no need to tear the place apart. Obviously everything in here was new. in general decorated in Pier 1 Imports cheap wicker root word and some punky Urban Outfitter flair, which he guessed was the input of the creepy little girl.The bronze sculptures were out of character, though. A lifesize nude of a recent woman, a large snapping turtle, and a life-sized bronze of a coup le posed as if in Rodins The Kiss.These must have been expensive, Rivera said.Not really. I know the artists, the Chinese kid said. Some biker guys down the street.Foos in biotech, said the broken clown girl. He makes like stupid money, cop.Yeah, thats swell, said Rivera. Hed watched this similarity turn from a rust slum of repair shops and the odd heathen restaurant to a gentrified hive of hipster professionals in remodeled lofts during the dot-com boom, and it had never turned back. The whole neighborhood was full of kids who spent the equivalent of Riveras annual salary on a car they wouldnt drive a dozen times a year. This kid apparently was just another one.So you dont know these people? Rivera said, pointing to the warrant.Steven Wong shook his head. Sorry, Ive never met them. I send my rent directly to the rental agency. You might check with them.Okay then. Sorry to anesthetise you.Okay then? Cavuto said. Thats it?Theyre not here, Nick. These two dont know where they are .But, thats not enough.Yeah? You want to spend some time talking to Allison here, see what you can find out? Rivera nodded toward the broken clown girl.Cavuto had tried to keep someone between himself and the skinny girl since theyd come upstairs, but now he looked at her full on and shuddered. No, I guess thats it. He turned and lumbered down the steps.You need to check your girlfriends ID, Rivera said to Steve. You may not be old enough for her. Then he turned and left as well.Chill, Foo, Abby said. Theyre gone. They wont be back. Lets go shopping.Abby, are you sure about this? It seems cruel. He patted the life-sized sculpture of the couple embraced in a kiss.I heard the Countess avow once that it was like being in a dream. They just port of float, all peaceful and dreamy. The main thing is theyre together.Youre sure?Theirs is the greatest love of all time. It would be wrong for them to be apart, Foo.Well, I think we should just change them back. Now that we know the process wo rks.Someday.Now.The Countess doesnt want that.Its wrong.How can it be wrong? Its my idea, and I am their dedicated minion and whatnot. I control the dark. She ran and jumped into his arms.I guess you do, he said. Okay, lets go shopping for stuff for our most wing apartment.William arrived back at the loft just after dark, feeling very much rested and well fed from his hospital stay, but relish a sip or two of the good stuff, and terribly overturned about Chet. He let himself into the stairway with his key, but when he rang the bell, no one answered, so he sat down to wait for the redhead and that guy to bring his bottle.He hadnt been there ten minutes before he heard the meowing at the door, and his heart leapt as he opened the outer door to find Chet, his red sweater still intact, purring outside.Come on, boy. I missed you, buddy.William scooped up his kitty and carried him into the stairwell. As soon as the door closed, Chet, the huge shaved vampire cat, was upon him.